I’m not a cynic, I just act a lot.

19 01 2012

Big Puns aside..

My admission: I’m an Existentialist.

My actions dictate my persona and the path I trek in life. These actions are of my own accord, regardless of how they form – my reaction to an ‘outside’ force is still a property and action of “me”. Thus, I find myself in situations because of my own choices.

Opposite to this thinking, I am incredibly fearful of my impact on the world and others, although each other being shares the same burden: free will. I seek to minimize my effect on those beings. This creates a certain “drift” from interaction: I choose to minimize the effects of my own free will and yearn to live as “invasive” as possible.

On the subject of actions: those enacted greatly reflect myself, regardless of my confidence in my choice. A corollary to this point is that other being’s actions reflect themselves as well. This means whether planned for years, months, or nanoseconds, action is a calculated and premeditated phenomenon.

Does this mean an action’s effect is planned? Yes and no. The outcome of action based on free will is an extension of choice – the “external” effect is not completely intended. The reaction to that action is simply a response for me (similar to a personal, individual action to a question I ask internally of myself) Therefore, another’s choice affects me, free will allows me to respond accordingly, AND only as much as my response will allow.

I find a major personal flaw within myself: I lack the emotional balance and mental stability to fully accept and enact the above philosophy. I am continually told internally (and arguably from social cues) that other being’s actions are intentionally designed to affect others more so than the one acting in the first place. [One could say this is narcissism but after all everyone is a narcissistic. We simply wouldn’t sustain life if we weren’t to some degree. ] These actions seem more barbed and targeted, as if planned for the interpreted effect, as opposed to a simple “ripple effect” radiating towards others.

* * *

A major side effect of this thinking/conflict is guilt and sorrow over one’s own failures, since one’s current situations are a product of earlier (personal)  actions. Each success and failure is a creation of an earlier action or actions. Luck, happenstance, and ‘cosmic probability’ are mere human explanations or, rather, excuses for justifying one’s situations.

This all means my misery (and joy) is determined and confirmation of my actions. Due to aforementioned mental “hangups” this concept seems foreign to me half of the time. (I could argue that it’s easiest for me to believe that I am always in the “right” and negative effects caused by other’s actions are never or rarely effects of my own actions.)

I need to try and comprehend that my actions, and mine alone, are what create internal (and to a lesser extent, external) value.

Discuss! Music for the Moment

15 06 2010

Let’s get this blog talking!

As you’re reading this very sentence think about a song (or let us know what you’re listening to *right now*) that meshes with your current mood/state.

I’m listening to Jónsi’s ‘Go Do‘. He’s the lead singer of Sigur Rós – so the music style is similar to what they normally put out, albeit, incredibly uplifting. If you’re having a bad day, it’s a great tune to listen to. And if you’re having a great day, it’s an excellent soundtrack. I’m having the latter. 😀

The Direction of Media

6 06 2010

On May 18, 2010, a video game  I’ve personally been waiting since mid-2005 for came out. It’s named for it’s main character, a fiction writer named Alan Wake. While the game has been a joy for me to play, it’s represented a major shift in gaming. I began playing games over 15 years ago and the delivery method of content itself has gone through several iterations.

Alan Wake comes packaged with six ‘episodes’, all of which are around two hours long. This makes for a short game (which only touts single player, I might add) with the promise of more content – three more episodes for 2010. Alan Wake is the first game I can think of, besides music games, which will rely on consumers buying the initial product and sticking around for the add-ons. Yes, this has been done before in more vague terms; most notably, in my mind, being Borderlands, which uses a similar principle. But I feel that Alan Wake is difference because it’s not going to be ‘bonus’ material, the future downloadable content will effect the plot of the game – to a large extent. In past years (especially the 2000’s), gamers have been met with oodles of sequels, which in reality is that era’s reaction to systems and delivery method in general (now you can download updates on your console). We are getting to a point where we don’t need to add a number to the end of a game to continue the story, we just have to connect to the internet then spend some arbitrarily dedicated “points”/money on new content.

In just five years (2005-2010), the gaming industry (as well as music) has begun to change from traditional long forms to instant, short forms. Where will things be in another five?

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